There are many things I am dreaming of accomplishing this year. Things I have always thought about, bu never really done completely. So...I am making myself accountible. Please push my progress on these things...I will be grateful!
1. GO back to college. I really would like to get my Masters Degree eventually in Business/Marketing. Id like my Bachelor Degree too...but Im talking total goals folks. Ha ha.
2. Lose another 25 pounds. I have lost a ton of weight this last year after getting off of prednisone. I pray I never have to take it again, and even at my current weight...I would feel much healthier just a little but smaller.
3. Grow hair long again. Its getting there...choke me when I get to that moment when I start asking what style I should go with...thats when I usually go get it cut and then hate myself later.
4. Finish my list of projects!!! Roman shades, pillows, duvets, painting, upholstering, refinishing, etc etc. I always have a creative pile to wade through.
5. Be more forgiving this year!
6. Spending really great moments with Brayden and Ron and my family.
7. Start taking photos professionally. I would LOVE to do a wedding, or some great shoot. I have the equipment...now I just need the nerve!
8. Find furniture pieces and repaint, refurb and revive...then sell them for a profit! I would have a lot of fun doing that as a side thing.
9. Read more.
10. Exercise everyday. I need to do this for my heart. Im getting better at it...but I need to eat and do things better for my heart, my child...my family.
11. Go to church. I like how it feeds my soul. I need God to keep me grounded.
12. Simplify my life. Get rid of items, things that cause clutter and people that do the same in my life.
13. Blog more often. So many great things I have missed blogging about and have forgotten now what they were...that is why I have a blog in the first place!
14. Start another job! I want to love what I do though. I need to love what I do and the people I surround myself with daily.
15. Start saving money for my car! We call it the Volvo fund. I purchased a used Volvo XC90 Suv. I have a slight panic attack when I think something might break on it because I know the cost will make me cry. I just need to start a small savings for it so I can lose that anxiety and enjoy my vehicle!!!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Crazy Idea...
We all know too well the crazy ideas that any given 4 year old child can have right? Well...the other day Brayden was begging to go to the playground. It was a busy day...lots of things going on, errands to run, laundry, cleaning, un-packing etc and after dinner he asked me again if we could go. I realized it was getting dark and by the time I cleaned up dinner it would be well after 9pm before we could even think of leaving...so I thought for a moment. Crazy idea...but why not take him? Its not like he has school in the morning, and its a beautiful evening out. So....despite getting the {stink-eye} look from my husband I said yes. Brayden giggled and jumped up and down. I finished cleaning up dinner and looked for the bug spray. Yes...I can sometimes be crazy like this. I think its important to not always tell Bray no, even if some of his ideas are ridiculous. I want to teach him something other than structure all of the time and he will have plenty of years to learn that in school. Why not act on impulse sometimes? Why not go to the playground at night once in a blue moon?
The playground was actually well lit, and there were people at the lake fishing, walking, etc. I felt safe...so we got out of the car. He had the entire playrground to himself. He was apprehensive at first, but once he realized this place was ALL his...oh the fun.this.child.had! He kept giggling in a way that made me giggle. He smiled from ear to ear. It was a really cool moment if I do say so myself. I only realized this after I got over the looks I was getting from all of the adults at the park that is...ha ha!
On the ride home...after we stalked some fire trucks for a little bit...we headed home. I asked him if he realized that this was a special once in awhile treat and that we could not do this all the time...he said he understood. I followed that by telling him that I think I might just be the craziest mother in the entire planet for taking my 4 year old to the playground at 9pm at night! He also agreed with that statement! Stinker!
I loved that we could create a fun memory that night. That is something he will probably never forget for the rest of his life! Was this totally insane? Possibly. Will he get to do it often? Probably not. Will he ever forget it? Doubt it.
Make special memories with your babies, time is too precious to give up on ALL crazy ideas...
The playground was actually well lit, and there were people at the lake fishing, walking, etc. I felt safe...so we got out of the car. He had the entire playrground to himself. He was apprehensive at first, but once he realized this place was ALL his...oh the fun.this.child.had! He kept giggling in a way that made me giggle. He smiled from ear to ear. It was a really cool moment if I do say so myself. I only realized this after I got over the looks I was getting from all of the adults at the park that is...ha ha!
On the ride home...after we stalked some fire trucks for a little bit...we headed home. I asked him if he realized that this was a special once in awhile treat and that we could not do this all the time...he said he understood. I followed that by telling him that I think I might just be the craziest mother in the entire planet for taking my 4 year old to the playground at 9pm at night! He also agreed with that statement! Stinker!
I loved that we could create a fun memory that night. That is something he will probably never forget for the rest of his life! Was this totally insane? Possibly. Will he get to do it often? Probably not. Will he ever forget it? Doubt it.
Make special memories with your babies, time is too precious to give up on ALL crazy ideas...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Back to blogging...2011-2012
Well as you can see, I have missed my blog. I have neglected my blog. I am back. This was such an integral part of my life for so long, and although I am one busy Momma, I have needed to be back at this for some time. I could start by filling you in on our lives, and I will touch on it a little bit going forward...but I need to make sure I start re-capturing myself, my families moments, and our memories here. I need to expand this now to include more of what I love from a hobby standpoint too. I need this therapy back in my life.
2012 has been an interesting year. I am glad it is here as 2011 a lot of life changes occurred that really made me jolt myself back to normal. I started working a job that I loved...but it came with a ton of complications I had not anticipated and ultimately pushed me to have a heart attack in October. The stress, the hours, the mounting issues...it had to go! Needless to say, a short time after my heart attack I lost my job. I now have no insurance to pay for any of the medications I need to stay alive, but I am grateful for every single second that I get to spend with my little man. I needed that. God wanted me to have that time apparently. I am embracing it. It is a struggle though sometimes. Although I enjoy my time home right now, it doesn't come without new stresses...like how to get my medications to stay alive, pay all of the bills, not fall behind and still preserve some sanity and energy in order to accommodate my additional relationships in my life...sister, wife, daughter, aunt, etc. I am frustrated more days than I can count and end most days feeling enormous guilt that I should be thanking my lucky stars to be alive and have this time with Brayden and my family...instead I worry constantly about these fears. They are real, and they are important...but where do I find the balance?
I struggle with this every single day. I struggle with knowing I did the right things, but the outcomes of last year and those decisions ultimately hurt several people, which was never something I would ever have set out to do...nor that I could have ever seen coming.
I am proud of how I handled myself. I am proud I did what was expected, and what was needed. I am pissed that it came with a price tag I would not have wanted in many forms. So I pray.
I pray to a God I am not sure is even there anymore sometimes. I feel guilt saying that because I know something kept me alive the night of my heart attack. I know there is a reason I am still here...and I struggle trying to find it. I am a mother...yes...most important reason I know...but is that all? I ponder.
Brayden is growing so quickly. He will be starting school in the fall and I think daily about that. I have had 4 years to spend all of this time with him, and I want to make sure Ive done well with that gift. I wish I would have known that at 33 years old I would suffer a heart attack. I wish I would have known that earlier...but I didnt. I might have made better use of those 4 years. I wish for many more years of life going forward and wonder in fear if I will have "many" more years. What is "many?" Not enough when I look at Brayden and think about his wedding, his graduation, his babies and his age. It scares me in a way that I cannot thoroughly process because I cannot allow my mind to wander to that place. I see his fear. I see it on my husbands face, and I can hear it in my Mom's voice. So again....I pray. Some days I am angry with God. Some days I question everything, and I know I shouldnt. Its hard not too.
So many great things have happened in 2011 as well. Ron has a good stable job that is enabling me to stay home right now. Ron is doing good with his baseball coaching things, and Brayden is just as happy as can be. He overflows with giggles, jokes, and smiles. He is such a little rock for me. I probably would have had a breakdown tenfold at this point if it were not for him. My family is healthy, wonderful and I am so lucky. We moved into a beautiful home that I adore. It is warm and comfortable, and I see it as a place where we can enjoy lots of memories. That stuff is good.
I am scattered with my thoughts though.. My heart is slightly scattered too these days. My emotions are all over the place partly because of the anxiety I now deal with that multiplied since my heart attack. Sleep doesn't come easily anymore, and over-exertion of any type leaves me drained and scared Ill have another heart attack. It makes me gun shy to confront, argue, vent, cry or get upset. Living life without the ability to do those things makes it tough. We all need outlets. I try to exercise. It freaks me out after about 10 minutes because I swear I can feel my stent in my heart, and I seem to feel my heart palpitations more now than I ever did before.
I am strong, I will persevere, but I am just wandering down windy paths right now not knowing where the road is going to lead me. Some days all I want to do is stay in bed and snuggle Brayden. He is the best thing I have ever done with my life. He is a product of all that I am. I need to forge ahead and show him what I am really made of. What am I made of again? Im getting there. Im learning, Im adapting, Im trying and some days...well most days I am just hiding from everything. Its easier, and I need easy right now for awhile. Does that ever really happen? Im hoping.
I plan to share our lives once again and bring my blog back to life as I try to bring myself back to life too. I need to find how to be grateful without worry. How to be happy without fear. How to be me again without being the same me anymore.
Please bear with me as I revamp our blog in the next few weeks, and find a way to articulate where this road is leading me...us.
2012 has been an interesting year. I am glad it is here as 2011 a lot of life changes occurred that really made me jolt myself back to normal. I started working a job that I loved...but it came with a ton of complications I had not anticipated and ultimately pushed me to have a heart attack in October. The stress, the hours, the mounting issues...it had to go! Needless to say, a short time after my heart attack I lost my job. I now have no insurance to pay for any of the medications I need to stay alive, but I am grateful for every single second that I get to spend with my little man. I needed that. God wanted me to have that time apparently. I am embracing it. It is a struggle though sometimes. Although I enjoy my time home right now, it doesn't come without new stresses...like how to get my medications to stay alive, pay all of the bills, not fall behind and still preserve some sanity and energy in order to accommodate my additional relationships in my life...sister, wife, daughter, aunt, etc. I am frustrated more days than I can count and end most days feeling enormous guilt that I should be thanking my lucky stars to be alive and have this time with Brayden and my family...instead I worry constantly about these fears. They are real, and they are important...but where do I find the balance?
I struggle with this every single day. I struggle with knowing I did the right things, but the outcomes of last year and those decisions ultimately hurt several people, which was never something I would ever have set out to do...nor that I could have ever seen coming.
I am proud of how I handled myself. I am proud I did what was expected, and what was needed. I am pissed that it came with a price tag I would not have wanted in many forms. So I pray.
I pray to a God I am not sure is even there anymore sometimes. I feel guilt saying that because I know something kept me alive the night of my heart attack. I know there is a reason I am still here...and I struggle trying to find it. I am a mother...yes...most important reason I know...but is that all? I ponder.
Brayden is growing so quickly. He will be starting school in the fall and I think daily about that. I have had 4 years to spend all of this time with him, and I want to make sure Ive done well with that gift. I wish I would have known that at 33 years old I would suffer a heart attack. I wish I would have known that earlier...but I didnt. I might have made better use of those 4 years. I wish for many more years of life going forward and wonder in fear if I will have "many" more years. What is "many?" Not enough when I look at Brayden and think about his wedding, his graduation, his babies and his age. It scares me in a way that I cannot thoroughly process because I cannot allow my mind to wander to that place. I see his fear. I see it on my husbands face, and I can hear it in my Mom's voice. So again....I pray. Some days I am angry with God. Some days I question everything, and I know I shouldnt. Its hard not too.
So many great things have happened in 2011 as well. Ron has a good stable job that is enabling me to stay home right now. Ron is doing good with his baseball coaching things, and Brayden is just as happy as can be. He overflows with giggles, jokes, and smiles. He is such a little rock for me. I probably would have had a breakdown tenfold at this point if it were not for him. My family is healthy, wonderful and I am so lucky. We moved into a beautiful home that I adore. It is warm and comfortable, and I see it as a place where we can enjoy lots of memories. That stuff is good.
I am scattered with my thoughts though.. My heart is slightly scattered too these days. My emotions are all over the place partly because of the anxiety I now deal with that multiplied since my heart attack. Sleep doesn't come easily anymore, and over-exertion of any type leaves me drained and scared Ill have another heart attack. It makes me gun shy to confront, argue, vent, cry or get upset. Living life without the ability to do those things makes it tough. We all need outlets. I try to exercise. It freaks me out after about 10 minutes because I swear I can feel my stent in my heart, and I seem to feel my heart palpitations more now than I ever did before.
I am strong, I will persevere, but I am just wandering down windy paths right now not knowing where the road is going to lead me. Some days all I want to do is stay in bed and snuggle Brayden. He is the best thing I have ever done with my life. He is a product of all that I am. I need to forge ahead and show him what I am really made of. What am I made of again? Im getting there. Im learning, Im adapting, Im trying and some days...well most days I am just hiding from everything. Its easier, and I need easy right now for awhile. Does that ever really happen? Im hoping.
I plan to share our lives once again and bring my blog back to life as I try to bring myself back to life too. I need to find how to be grateful without worry. How to be happy without fear. How to be me again without being the same me anymore.
Please bear with me as I revamp our blog in the next few weeks, and find a way to articulate where this road is leading me...us.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
A great place to be...
This morning, I am still taken back by the beautifully touching birthday my family planned for me this year. Not only was it 11/11/11 but it was also a birthday for which I was more aware of how grateful I was for having it, being here and having the opportunity to embrace a healthier, more full life going forward. Since my heart attack...few moments seem to escape me as I am hell bent on seeing them, living them, embracing them and making them. Before I arrived in that hopeful emotional place, I struggled trying to figure out why, what for and why me! I am glad I am no longer in that place. I am thankful for my patient and loving family who helped me work through my fears, struggles, stresses and emotions during that time. I have the greatest friends and family who have continually been checking in on me to keep me close, and show me their love, support and encouragement. My mother was home with me for two weeks, and barely left my side ensuring that things were easier for me, seamless, on track and adaptable before she could even leave to go back home, and even then had a hard time doing it. She is such a rock, and she always steps in when I really need her to make sure I can again be my own rock before she will leave my side.
This year...I had the most beautiful and touching birthday I have ever had in my entire life! First...my Mom gave me a Pandora bracelet with charms that She, Tara, Beth, Todd, Emily, Molly, and Ron had a part in picking out. My Mom gave me a heart charm (that she actually got BEFORE my heart attack) that has two hearts on it. She said the bigger heart was hers, and the small heart inside was mine because my heart would forever be in hers. {tissues please). She also gave me a charm with Braydens birthstones on it, one with my own birthstone, a guardian angel, and a snowman. I will forever cherish this piece of jewelry as I continue to build a mini-life story on it of my experiences and life. What a perfectly thoughtful gift.
I took Friday (bday) off of work to relax, take it easy, recoup after my first week back at work, and to enjoy this beautiful birthday my family had been planning for me.
So...my husband and family have been secretly planning my birthday for awhile now. Ron was making plans, then changing them, or making them just to keep me off track...but either way...they made my birthday so wonderfully beautiful this year I can hardly find words to describe how happy this day made my heart. That is a great place to be.
First thing in the morning, Brayden snuggled up to my back and reached his chubby little arm around my neck while patting my face as he sweetly said "you gotta wake up now Mommy, it's your birthday today". I woke up with an instant smile on face, while feeling SO so grateful that I was being loved by this beautiful little guy that means the world to me!!! That made my top moments in life list. So, we got up and moving since we knew that Todd, Beth and Emily and Molly were on the way over to deliver a homemade breakfast to my house!!! They brought a healthy, low cholesterol Egg Beaters quiche over with toast, smart butter, and orange juice!!! They quiche was DELICIOUS!!! The girls even picked out snowflake plates and napkins for me since it was also the first snow of the season that day! Everything was perfect, and special-especially my purple princess tiara they gave me to wear for the day!!! I loved enjoying the morning. I loved watching Brayden play with everyone. I loved that he was so happy too! I loved that they thought of every little detail to make my morning that much more special. They didn't miss a thing. It was perfect.
Shortly after Todd and the girls left, Beth agreed to be my shopping buddy for the afternoon! She awesomely took Brayden in her cart for the trip for me. It was bliss shopping without having to concentrate on anything but shopping. I haven't had the opportunity to do that in a long time, so it was very very nice. Beth and I had so much fun digging for treasures at Mr. Salvages going out of business sale!!! We stayed for quite a while. Probably longer than most normal people...but you seriously have to DIG for the good stuff and that takes time!!! I know this all sounds as fun as going gun shopping with a husband, but trust me...when everything is 75% off in the entire store...what could not be fun about that!!! I spent $30 bucks and had tons of great things at the end of our excursion! Not surprisingly...Beth had more than I did...and I say not surprisingly because every time I shop with Brayden, I tend to put more in the cart than I had planned too because its easier to just keep that cart moving to keep him happy and I take far much less time contemplating purchases. Sorry Bether!
After arriving back home later in the afternoon, it was time to just relax for awhile, play with my peanut who was oh so tolerant shopping all day, and just chill out. Since the house was all clean, I got on facebook! I was overwhelmed with the amount of friends and family that had wished me a Happy Birthday! It was a sweet moment of amazement. My Mom wrote a great post to me that I will never forget! For years she has teased me because of my lucky birth numbers-and my lack of luck!!! She has always questioned that irony and with every new un-lucky life event of mine...she tends to come back to wondering why I was born with such interesting birth statistics, and such a high storage of un-luck! Well...she wrote all of these sweet comments about me and then wrote..."For years I wondered why you have been so unlucky, but today it dawned on me that since the day you were born...I am the lucky one!". What a beautiful thing to say to me! I am so grateful to have a mother like her. She is amazingly kind, smart and loving. She is fiercely devoted to her family, and is one of those women who is full of genuine kindness and moxy! She is a true lady! There isn't one quality about her that I don't adore. I am so so grateful. I have some of the very best friends and family out there.
Soon, Ron got home from work, and we chatted about my day so far! He acted pleased that I was having such a great day, but also like he knew all along what kind of day I was going to have long before it arrived! I knew he had been scheming with my family for awhile now, but I really had NO idea how special this whole day would turn out!!!
Later, Ron's sister came over with my nephew, and my brother in law to see me on my birthday! Little Marion and Brayden had a "drum off" together, and Bray was following Marions every move on the drums (with his tongue out the entire time!). We watched Jeff Dunham and peanut (my fav comedian) and laughed in hysterics!!! Brayden loves them too! They all gave me a gift certificate to Panache Salon to get pampered with a pedicure. Oh, how I can't wait to use that!
After they left, it was time to start getting ready for dinner. Ron made dinner reservations at Forte' with Todd, Beth, Emily, Molly, and Brayden. We parked about a block away and as we were walking turning the corner onto 3rd street I was just enjoying taking in the snow touched town all lit up with Christmas lights when out of nowhere Kyle Gustafson (friend of the family who is a great musician) was at the top of the parking ramp playing Happy Birthday on his trumpet for me! My family turned around to look at me and their smiles were beautiful. They were giggling, clapping, hugging me as I smiled, giggled and cried...then cheers ensued. People passing by stopped in their tracks to listen. The trumpet was crisp and spot on tune and the sound just echoed off of the buildings. It was beautiful. Every sense I have was working to take in this moment. The smell of the crisp cold air, seeing the emotions on my families faces, hearing the trumpet play, and hugging people I love with all of my heart...it was an amazing and {poorly defined by words} feeling. I was totally serenaded with love. What a great place to be!
Just when I thought the night was almost over...we walked into Forte. What a great restaurant. The smell was tempting, the lighting and atmosphere was intimate, and our table was private and in the perfect spot in the restaurant. Not to mention that I knew the food there was DELICIOUS!!! The anticipation was killing me...I was starving. We begged Kyle to stay and have dinner with us and thankfully he happily obliged. We all talked, giggled, and just enjoyed each other. It felt warm. Todd, Beth and the girls then showed me what they had been up too this afternoon while Beth and I were on our bargain sabbatical! They had all driven up to Chautauqua Institution to video tape the bell tower (my favorite place) ringing at exactly 1:00pm...my birth time. Right after the one tone for 1:00, the gloomy sky at the beginning of the video amazingly lit up with sunshine. It could not have been more perfect. I loved how thoughtful that video and the planning of doing that for me was! I was awestruck. It gave me goosebumps. It made me teary. I loved it. At that point in the night, I sat back quietly observing my family sitting around me. I was taking mental pictures in my head so I would never forget this night, this feeling, and this moment. I am so blessed. I am so happy I have the family I have, the friends I have and the life I have. It was again...perfect. Soon we got our bills and when my brother looked at his Forte bill, the amount on the receipt was $117. 71 which was awesome because I was born 11/11/77 at 1:00 and weighed 7lbs, 7 oz. and on 11/11/11 that was very cool. After we all took pictures of the bill we all prepared to leave to go back to the house for cake!
As they arrived at the house, they came in with arms full of gifts, gift bags, and energy! Right when I thought the night was over...there were more surprises coming! I could not believe it! I was overwhelmed with the feeling that they devoted a whole day to my birthday, being with me, and showering me with more love than I could believe I deserved!!! Todd, Beth and the girls made me a beautiful cake with flowers on it. Just before they handed me the cake, they gave me a lotto ticket they got for me!!! Let's face it...some gambling had to take place on this day with those birth numbers!!! Beth made my cake with only the white of eggs for me, and they remembered that my favorite cake is funfetti too! They all didn't miss a thing. They sang happy birthday to me again, and Brayden helped Mommy blow out the 7 candles. We all sat at the table and again I was able to watch my family around me having fun, smiling, loving each other and being together, with me! I got to open all of my gifts, and was taken back by the thoughtfulness of how perfect each and every gift was that I was given. I was humbled by the cards that I was given...the words within will forever resonate in my mind and in my heart. What a gift those were in an of themselves.
Soon...Todd asked what time it was...and it was 11:11, so everyone sang Happy Birthday to me again! I could not help but feeling throughout the entire day that I was so lucky, so blessed, and so loved. We finished the night off by watching another hysterical comedian with lots of giggles, laughter and smiles as we were all comfy and together in my own very living room. I felt this way all day long. That feeling of overwhelming appreciation and love for my life, my family, and my friends. I love those kinds of moments. The kind that become memories etched in your heart forever! The kind of moments that never escape your memory. The kind that motivate the genuine gratefulness for life that sometimes slips by. I am the luckiest woman alive! It made my home and heart feel perfect and... That is a great place to be.
This year...I had the most beautiful and touching birthday I have ever had in my entire life! First...my Mom gave me a Pandora bracelet with charms that She, Tara, Beth, Todd, Emily, Molly, and Ron had a part in picking out. My Mom gave me a heart charm (that she actually got BEFORE my heart attack) that has two hearts on it. She said the bigger heart was hers, and the small heart inside was mine because my heart would forever be in hers. {tissues please). She also gave me a charm with Braydens birthstones on it, one with my own birthstone, a guardian angel, and a snowman. I will forever cherish this piece of jewelry as I continue to build a mini-life story on it of my experiences and life. What a perfectly thoughtful gift.
I took Friday (bday) off of work to relax, take it easy, recoup after my first week back at work, and to enjoy this beautiful birthday my family had been planning for me.
So...my husband and family have been secretly planning my birthday for awhile now. Ron was making plans, then changing them, or making them just to keep me off track...but either way...they made my birthday so wonderfully beautiful this year I can hardly find words to describe how happy this day made my heart. That is a great place to be.
First thing in the morning, Brayden snuggled up to my back and reached his chubby little arm around my neck while patting my face as he sweetly said "you gotta wake up now Mommy, it's your birthday today". I woke up with an instant smile on face, while feeling SO so grateful that I was being loved by this beautiful little guy that means the world to me!!! That made my top moments in life list. So, we got up and moving since we knew that Todd, Beth and Emily and Molly were on the way over to deliver a homemade breakfast to my house!!! They brought a healthy, low cholesterol Egg Beaters quiche over with toast, smart butter, and orange juice!!! They quiche was DELICIOUS!!! The girls even picked out snowflake plates and napkins for me since it was also the first snow of the season that day! Everything was perfect, and special-especially my purple princess tiara they gave me to wear for the day!!! I loved enjoying the morning. I loved watching Brayden play with everyone. I loved that he was so happy too! I loved that they thought of every little detail to make my morning that much more special. They didn't miss a thing. It was perfect.
Shortly after Todd and the girls left, Beth agreed to be my shopping buddy for the afternoon! She awesomely took Brayden in her cart for the trip for me. It was bliss shopping without having to concentrate on anything but shopping. I haven't had the opportunity to do that in a long time, so it was very very nice. Beth and I had so much fun digging for treasures at Mr. Salvages going out of business sale!!! We stayed for quite a while. Probably longer than most normal people...but you seriously have to DIG for the good stuff and that takes time!!! I know this all sounds as fun as going gun shopping with a husband, but trust me...when everything is 75% off in the entire store...what could not be fun about that!!! I spent $30 bucks and had tons of great things at the end of our excursion! Not surprisingly...Beth had more than I did...and I say not surprisingly because every time I shop with Brayden, I tend to put more in the cart than I had planned too because its easier to just keep that cart moving to keep him happy and I take far much less time contemplating purchases. Sorry Bether!
After arriving back home later in the afternoon, it was time to just relax for awhile, play with my peanut who was oh so tolerant shopping all day, and just chill out. Since the house was all clean, I got on facebook! I was overwhelmed with the amount of friends and family that had wished me a Happy Birthday! It was a sweet moment of amazement. My Mom wrote a great post to me that I will never forget! For years she has teased me because of my lucky birth numbers-and my lack of luck!!! She has always questioned that irony and with every new un-lucky life event of mine...she tends to come back to wondering why I was born with such interesting birth statistics, and such a high storage of un-luck! Well...she wrote all of these sweet comments about me and then wrote..."For years I wondered why you have been so unlucky, but today it dawned on me that since the day you were born...I am the lucky one!". What a beautiful thing to say to me! I am so grateful to have a mother like her. She is amazingly kind, smart and loving. She is fiercely devoted to her family, and is one of those women who is full of genuine kindness and moxy! She is a true lady! There isn't one quality about her that I don't adore. I am so so grateful. I have some of the very best friends and family out there.
Soon, Ron got home from work, and we chatted about my day so far! He acted pleased that I was having such a great day, but also like he knew all along what kind of day I was going to have long before it arrived! I knew he had been scheming with my family for awhile now, but I really had NO idea how special this whole day would turn out!!!
Later, Ron's sister came over with my nephew, and my brother in law to see me on my birthday! Little Marion and Brayden had a "drum off" together, and Bray was following Marions every move on the drums (with his tongue out the entire time!). We watched Jeff Dunham and peanut (my fav comedian) and laughed in hysterics!!! Brayden loves them too! They all gave me a gift certificate to Panache Salon to get pampered with a pedicure. Oh, how I can't wait to use that!
After they left, it was time to start getting ready for dinner. Ron made dinner reservations at Forte' with Todd, Beth, Emily, Molly, and Brayden. We parked about a block away and as we were walking turning the corner onto 3rd street I was just enjoying taking in the snow touched town all lit up with Christmas lights when out of nowhere Kyle Gustafson (friend of the family who is a great musician) was at the top of the parking ramp playing Happy Birthday on his trumpet for me! My family turned around to look at me and their smiles were beautiful. They were giggling, clapping, hugging me as I smiled, giggled and cried...then cheers ensued. People passing by stopped in their tracks to listen. The trumpet was crisp and spot on tune and the sound just echoed off of the buildings. It was beautiful. Every sense I have was working to take in this moment. The smell of the crisp cold air, seeing the emotions on my families faces, hearing the trumpet play, and hugging people I love with all of my heart...it was an amazing and {poorly defined by words} feeling. I was totally serenaded with love. What a great place to be!
Just when I thought the night was almost over...we walked into Forte. What a great restaurant. The smell was tempting, the lighting and atmosphere was intimate, and our table was private and in the perfect spot in the restaurant. Not to mention that I knew the food there was DELICIOUS!!! The anticipation was killing me...I was starving. We begged Kyle to stay and have dinner with us and thankfully he happily obliged. We all talked, giggled, and just enjoyed each other. It felt warm. Todd, Beth and the girls then showed me what they had been up too this afternoon while Beth and I were on our bargain sabbatical! They had all driven up to Chautauqua Institution to video tape the bell tower (my favorite place) ringing at exactly 1:00pm...my birth time. Right after the one tone for 1:00, the gloomy sky at the beginning of the video amazingly lit up with sunshine. It could not have been more perfect. I loved how thoughtful that video and the planning of doing that for me was! I was awestruck. It gave me goosebumps. It made me teary. I loved it. At that point in the night, I sat back quietly observing my family sitting around me. I was taking mental pictures in my head so I would never forget this night, this feeling, and this moment. I am so blessed. I am so happy I have the family I have, the friends I have and the life I have. It was again...perfect. Soon we got our bills and when my brother looked at his Forte bill, the amount on the receipt was $117. 71 which was awesome because I was born 11/11/77 at 1:00 and weighed 7lbs, 7 oz. and on 11/11/11 that was very cool. After we all took pictures of the bill we all prepared to leave to go back to the house for cake!
As they arrived at the house, they came in with arms full of gifts, gift bags, and energy! Right when I thought the night was over...there were more surprises coming! I could not believe it! I was overwhelmed with the feeling that they devoted a whole day to my birthday, being with me, and showering me with more love than I could believe I deserved!!! Todd, Beth and the girls made me a beautiful cake with flowers on it. Just before they handed me the cake, they gave me a lotto ticket they got for me!!! Let's face it...some gambling had to take place on this day with those birth numbers!!! Beth made my cake with only the white of eggs for me, and they remembered that my favorite cake is funfetti too! They all didn't miss a thing. They sang happy birthday to me again, and Brayden helped Mommy blow out the 7 candles. We all sat at the table and again I was able to watch my family around me having fun, smiling, loving each other and being together, with me! I got to open all of my gifts, and was taken back by the thoughtfulness of how perfect each and every gift was that I was given. I was humbled by the cards that I was given...the words within will forever resonate in my mind and in my heart. What a gift those were in an of themselves.
Soon...Todd asked what time it was...and it was 11:11, so everyone sang Happy Birthday to me again! I could not help but feeling throughout the entire day that I was so lucky, so blessed, and so loved. We finished the night off by watching another hysterical comedian with lots of giggles, laughter and smiles as we were all comfy and together in my own very living room. I felt this way all day long. That feeling of overwhelming appreciation and love for my life, my family, and my friends. I love those kinds of moments. The kind that become memories etched in your heart forever! The kind of moments that never escape your memory. The kind that motivate the genuine gratefulness for life that sometimes slips by. I am the luckiest woman alive! It made my home and heart feel perfect and... That is a great place to be.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Christmas Season 2010
Well...Christmas 2010 is behind us. I am sad about it too. I get that way every year...the after the Holidays blues. My tree is still up and so are the many decorations that are mostly eched with the cliche' "snow" quote on them...get it? Yes, even though I kept my maiden name...I still get all tickled that my married name is Snow, and this time of year it just fits.
This year we spent time with family and friends. I hosted our family Christmas this year, and I must say it was so much fun. Having my family in my home before and after Christmas with us eating all sorts of yummies made my home feel warm, and filled it with love. There was an unspoken ambiance that was created and felt in my home because my family was here. As an adult, that feeling is the best Christmas gift ever! I watched my brothers and nieces and nephews play with Brayden. I listened to them giggle. I had really fun conversations with my neices. We swapped fun Christmas gifts, and lauged really hard in the process. We all ate until our belly's ached. It was special. It made our holidays feel really good even though we were all missing Mom, Scott, Tara and the boys.
Brayden naturally entertained everyone as usual with his quirky little performances, and his story to Emily about how him and Daddy built a snowman together in the backyard! Poor Em...she glanced outside to look for it...Brayden quickly told her it probably melted. I giggled when Emily recapped his story to her since Daddy and Brayden havent built a snowman together at all in the backyard yet this winter! Fibber.
Ron and I put Brayden to bed, and came back downstairs to watch out for Santa Claus, and help put together a few things ;-) We ate cookies, played Christmas music and hunkered down for assembly from 11:45 to 4am! Yes we did! It was fun though. We giggled as every single time we heard a sound, we scrambled like spazzes trying to make a sad attempt at hiding wrapping paper and assembly tools ;-)
We talked about our lives together up to this point and giggled at some old funnies and stories that are now but mere memories for us. We finally sneaked up to bed to snuggle with out peanut, and said sweet prayers of gratitude. Then we prayed Brayden would sleep in for at least a small while in the morning. It didn't happen though. ;-(
This year we spent time with family and friends. I hosted our family Christmas this year, and I must say it was so much fun. Having my family in my home before and after Christmas with us eating all sorts of yummies made my home feel warm, and filled it with love. There was an unspoken ambiance that was created and felt in my home because my family was here. As an adult, that feeling is the best Christmas gift ever! I watched my brothers and nieces and nephews play with Brayden. I listened to them giggle. I had really fun conversations with my neices. We swapped fun Christmas gifts, and lauged really hard in the process. We all ate until our belly's ached. It was special. It made our holidays feel really good even though we were all missing Mom, Scott, Tara and the boys.
Brayden naturally entertained everyone as usual with his quirky little performances, and his story to Emily about how him and Daddy built a snowman together in the backyard! Poor Em...she glanced outside to look for it...Brayden quickly told her it probably melted. I giggled when Emily recapped his story to her since Daddy and Brayden havent built a snowman together at all in the backyard yet this winter! Fibber.
Ron and I put Brayden to bed, and came back downstairs to watch out for Santa Claus, and help put together a few things ;-) We ate cookies, played Christmas music and hunkered down for assembly from 11:45 to 4am! Yes we did! It was fun though. We giggled as every single time we heard a sound, we scrambled like spazzes trying to make a sad attempt at hiding wrapping paper and assembly tools ;-)
We talked about our lives together up to this point and giggled at some old funnies and stories that are now but mere memories for us. We finally sneaked up to bed to snuggle with out peanut, and said sweet prayers of gratitude. Then we prayed Brayden would sleep in for at least a small while in the morning. It didn't happen though. ;-(
In Heaven...
Just lately, Brayden has been asking questions like "Daddy, where is your Daddy and Mommy, where is your Daddy?" Ron and I have both been telling him that our Daddy's passed away and that they are in heaven with Jesus, God, our guardian angels, and our other family in heaven. He was usually quite content with that until a few weeks ago. One morning brayden asked me again: And our convo went like this:
Brayden: Mommy, where is your Daddy?
Me: Bray honey, my Daddy is in heaven!
Brayden: Where is Daddy's Daddy?
Me: He is in heaven with my Daddy!
Insert: Brayden putting his pouty and sad head down with the utmost look of hearbreak on his face as he starts to sob a little.
Me: Bray, whats the matter honey? It's ok to be sad, but both of your Grandpas are watching over you ALL the time bubby! Why are you so sad love?
Brayden: "BECAUSE!!!! I don't have a Daddy in heaven!"
You should have seen my freaked out husbands face when I told him that story!!!
Ron thinks Brayden knows something he doesnt know, and statements like that make him paranoid. He gets freaked out whenever he has a headache of some sort! Me on the other hand thinks its adorable, and nothing more than a cute statement from that of a three year old. Guess that's how we balance each other out so well huh?
Hope you are still giggling. I am ;-)
Brayden: Mommy, where is your Daddy?
Me: Bray honey, my Daddy is in heaven!
Brayden: Where is Daddy's Daddy?
Me: He is in heaven with my Daddy!
Insert: Brayden putting his pouty and sad head down with the utmost look of hearbreak on his face as he starts to sob a little.
Me: Bray, whats the matter honey? It's ok to be sad, but both of your Grandpas are watching over you ALL the time bubby! Why are you so sad love?
Brayden: "BECAUSE!!!! I don't have a Daddy in heaven!"
You should have seen my freaked out husbands face when I told him that story!!!
Ron thinks Brayden knows something he doesnt know, and statements like that make him paranoid. He gets freaked out whenever he has a headache of some sort! Me on the other hand thinks its adorable, and nothing more than a cute statement from that of a three year old. Guess that's how we balance each other out so well huh?
Hope you are still giggling. I am ;-)
Sunday, August 7, 2011
An impromptu weekend...
This last weekend was probably the most fun, relaxing weekend I have had in a long time. Brayden and I woke up Saturday morning with Daddy at work and we decided that even though it was a gloomy and semi-windy day we would head out to Timmy Ho's for our usual morning drinks...a large Double double for me, and a chocolate milk for Bray. This of course after we spend a good 20 minutes in bed snuggling, giggling, tickling and gabbing about our plans...
As we were headed downtown, we happened to notice that the drum corp. international who had performed in the Lucy 100th Birthday parade the night before were holding a drum line practice downtown next to the ice rink. So...we got our drinks, and parked ti listen and watch the drummers. Soon we got out of the van and decided to sit on the benches nearby to watch and listen. They were amazing. Brayden danced and giggled listening to them play. Soon an old neighbor Ive known since childhood came over to sit with us and we chatted about their performance and what a perfect day this was to watch them. Within the next hour, a crowd started to form and the other band members started filing in to practice as a team. We stayed for a few hours just relaxing, talking, laughing and enjoying a perfectly impromptu Saturday morning. One of the drummers came over to talk to brayden and let him play on his drums! Brayden was IN.HEAVEN! All the young men filtered over slowly and were showing him drumming tricks and building him up! They were so nice! At the end before they headed back after their break...one guy came over and handed Brayden his drumsticks and told him to keep them! They are all taped up and ratty from playing with, but how special that Brayden has ACTUAL drumsticks from the Texas drum corp. international marching band Genesis! Too cool.
During all of this, we were on the phone on and off all morning with my niece Emily discussing the huge Lucy picture that was going to take place downtown at 2PM with everyone dressed as Lucy and Desi for the attempt to have the most Lucy's in one place at one time at City Hall for the Guinness Book of world Records! She convinced us that this was important, and that she would have costumes ready for us with wigs if we could make it to their house in 5 minutes to get dressed....so off we went...and quickly! I should mention is was 1:35PM...lol!
We scurried over there and Emily and Molly got Brayden dolled up in a Lucy dress look-a-like costume and a red wig. I quickly laid on the bright red lipstick we had to have and he quickly said to Emily, "Emily! I don't have a necklace!" After we all laughed in hysterics, Emily rushed around to find him the perfect white pearls to don! We drove there and parked and were literally RUNNING to city hall to make it for the picture! There were photographers from all over the world snapping pictures and doing news articles on this event in celebration of Lucille Ball's 100th Birthday celebration. We.just.made.it!
It was such a great afternoon of laughing, pictures, history and fun. Walking back to the car Brayden said to me, "Mommy, thank you, I am having so much fun today!, Thank you for the day off Mommy!". It made me smile from ear to ear! It also made me want to quit my job and stay home with him again, but that is not a possible thing for us to do right now!
At the end of the day Emily and I chatted and were talking about how Brayden was such a great sport. He didn't get stressed by our rushed commotion and was totally up for this crazy fun experience. She said she loved how he held so still as she was bobby pinning the red wig to his head and getting him all dolled up! He is so much fun! My whole family is so much fun! I am so so glad that I had this experience this weekend. I realized very quickly that life isn't always about plans and execution of them. It;s about appreciating that even when our plans change, we can find that in those moments we will have the best moments in our lives!
As we were headed downtown, we happened to notice that the drum corp. international who had performed in the Lucy 100th Birthday parade the night before were holding a drum line practice downtown next to the ice rink. So...we got our drinks, and parked ti listen and watch the drummers. Soon we got out of the van and decided to sit on the benches nearby to watch and listen. They were amazing. Brayden danced and giggled listening to them play. Soon an old neighbor Ive known since childhood came over to sit with us and we chatted about their performance and what a perfect day this was to watch them. Within the next hour, a crowd started to form and the other band members started filing in to practice as a team. We stayed for a few hours just relaxing, talking, laughing and enjoying a perfectly impromptu Saturday morning. One of the drummers came over to talk to brayden and let him play on his drums! Brayden was IN.HEAVEN! All the young men filtered over slowly and were showing him drumming tricks and building him up! They were so nice! At the end before they headed back after their break...one guy came over and handed Brayden his drumsticks and told him to keep them! They are all taped up and ratty from playing with, but how special that Brayden has ACTUAL drumsticks from the Texas drum corp. international marching band Genesis! Too cool.
During all of this, we were on the phone on and off all morning with my niece Emily discussing the huge Lucy picture that was going to take place downtown at 2PM with everyone dressed as Lucy and Desi for the attempt to have the most Lucy's in one place at one time at City Hall for the Guinness Book of world Records! She convinced us that this was important, and that she would have costumes ready for us with wigs if we could make it to their house in 5 minutes to get dressed....so off we went...and quickly! I should mention is was 1:35PM...lol!
We scurried over there and Emily and Molly got Brayden dolled up in a Lucy dress look-a-like costume and a red wig. I quickly laid on the bright red lipstick we had to have and he quickly said to Emily, "Emily! I don't have a necklace!" After we all laughed in hysterics, Emily rushed around to find him the perfect white pearls to don! We drove there and parked and were literally RUNNING to city hall to make it for the picture! There were photographers from all over the world snapping pictures and doing news articles on this event in celebration of Lucille Ball's 100th Birthday celebration. We.just.made.it!
It was such a great afternoon of laughing, pictures, history and fun. Walking back to the car Brayden said to me, "Mommy, thank you, I am having so much fun today!, Thank you for the day off Mommy!". It made me smile from ear to ear! It also made me want to quit my job and stay home with him again, but that is not a possible thing for us to do right now!
At the end of the day Emily and I chatted and were talking about how Brayden was such a great sport. He didn't get stressed by our rushed commotion and was totally up for this crazy fun experience. She said she loved how he held so still as she was bobby pinning the red wig to his head and getting him all dolled up! He is so much fun! My whole family is so much fun! I am so so glad that I had this experience this weekend. I realized very quickly that life isn't always about plans and execution of them. It;s about appreciating that even when our plans change, we can find that in those moments we will have the best moments in our lives!
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