{Be still my heart}

We waltzed the mall the other day, Brayden in his stroller and Daddy walking next to him.

Suddenly Brayden reached up his chubby little hand in search of Daddy's. Ron naturally responded in kind to Brayden, and they walked like this as I pushed the stroller {clumsily fumbling through my purse to grab the camera so I could steal a permanent memory of this beautiful moment}.

{Oh, be still my heart}.

Alice anyone?

Don't you just love my title? I can explain....really. In 6th grade I played Alice in the musical Alice in Wonderland. There was a song I had to sing and some of the words in the chorus were "who am I, where am I going and why". Ha! Ironically I still find myself singing or humming this tune when I am in a little melancholy funk.

I am currently in one of those.

We have moved back to New York. We are wondering what our next step will be. Where should we live? We really do not want to stay in NY, Florida was not what it once was for us, and with a baby and no family there...yikes what did we just do? Live and learn I guess. It's not like we have never made a big move before but this one started out as a disaster, and it never seemed to let up! First the move without our things. Then the house encountered a red ant infestation-INSIDE!!! Yes...red ants coming out of the light sockets, in our beds, on the floor-everywhere!!! Soon the central air started leaking behind the wall and when we finally discovered it- the mold/mildew had crept into our closet, inside the walls and under the floors already...another little nightmare. Right about then the health insurance started coming out at a hefty tune of over $500.00 per month for all of us-and OUCH did that hurt. Things started to feel insane. We talked long and hard and long and sad and decided this was just not working.

So...we are in regroup mode I guess. I don't know what else to call it. Fresh start mode perhaps. Something. We are seriously at square one, and in this economy right now...that scares the crap out of me. I gave up a great job, our home, our stability. So did Ron. I am looking for all of the positives I can right now so I don't totally have a meltdown. I am trying to stay focused and not feel overwhelmed. I am enjoying time with my family and friends here once again. I am loving the weather and the beautiful summer. I am not questioning my faith because I know everything happens for a reason and I trust that. I am trying really hard not to feel like I have failed myself, my son or my family. I am trying to embrace this total life makeover.

I feel like that little 6th grader up on stage singing that song right now. I feel fragile and apprehensive, but a sense of calm as well.

I can't explain it.

I know that I am blessed. I have so much to be grateful for. Our family and friends have been so supportive and understanding, and that means so much to us right now. Plus-Ron and I get to play with Brayden for the summer while we regroup, re-prioritize our plans, and dream of all of the new and exciting things that await us going forward.

I am happiest in those thoughts right now.

We are praying that God will show us where it is we need to be, and help us on our path to wherever it is, that is.

Singing in the Rain

Brayden was getting a little freaked out with thunderstorms recently. He seemed to not like the thunder, the loud torrential rain hitting the windows, or anything that goes along with it. I really did not want him to be frightened of thunderstorms! When I was little my mother would always let me stand at the door and watch them, and we would ooohhh and ahhhh over them. Rain is tranquil to me now because of it. Sometimes my Mom and I would sit together on the porch eating Popsicles and watching storms pass through, and I loved it...still do.

So...promptly I started smiling and oooh-ing and aaah-ing each time it would thunder. Brayden started to smile as well, and this seemed to peak his curiosity. One day recently we were having all sorts of storms all day long. He was fascinated by watching the rain from the sliding glass door. Since there was absolutely NO lightning whatsoever...I decided we would go and play in the rain.

As soon as I opened the door, he ran out into the rain and reached his little hands up in the air-all the while giggling and stomping his feet. He was so free and happy, and getting wet made this even more fun for him. He kept squinting his eyes while rain drops landed on his face. He even stuck his tongue out. I was gut laughing! I walked him to the end of the driveway so he could see the water rushing down the street...and he swiftly decided it was time to sit, splash and embrace this thunderstorm. It was beautiful and fun. I felt as free and childish as he did. I decided to join in on the splashing while Daddy stood under cover laughing at us ;-) and taking pictures. I love you Buddy, thank you for reminding Mommy that it's the little things that make the best moments in life, and I am so glad we made this one together. Here's to more memories like these Bray ;-)

It spoke to me...

These last few months, our family has undergone some major life changes. We have had a ton of transitions, and I have found myself questioning so many things lately. Some of the things I just can't seem to wrap my head around. I know I will eventually figure them out, with time.

I stumbled across The Lettered Cottage tonight, a blog I try to follow when I get the chance to have computer time, and she (Layla) posted this quote at the end of her post.

It spoke to me.

"Just for a moment, live in joy.
Forget about what should or should not be, and just let yourself be as you are. Let go of the need to need. Feel the reality that you already are enough, and that it is truly magnificent."
Ralph Marston

"Armff"

"Armff" is Brayden's way of saying Aunt Beth. Aunt Beth is my sister in law. She married my oldest brother when I was just 10 years old. She was my first sister in law. Coming from having three older brothers and being the ONLY girl....I longed for a big sister, and Beth was it for me. I used to follow her everywhere and beg her to do her hair, play with me, walk with me, sing with me and play barbies with me...and she did-so lovingly and excitedly. She always shared her clothes with me as I got older, and would have girlie talks about everything important. She would come over when I was in high school and clean my room for me, do my laundry, and drive me wherever I needed to go. She is and has always been someone I look up to, adore, love and admire. She is the most giving and kind person you could ever meet. She is feisty and has a really great sense of humor. She taught me so many things about myself. She still does. When I moved to Florida at just 19 years old, she wrote a letter to me that I could not read until I got on the airplane and one thing she wrote to me I have never forgotten. She said "Shanny, we love you oh. so. much, and feel a part of each of us goes when you do, but always remember to turn the other cheek and smile that beautiful smile-and then give the world hell".

I have quoted that to myself a million times in the last 12 years of my life.

I love her more than she will ever know.

She is my sister.

So...you can imagine my excitement when Brayden started saying "Armff" the other day, and anytime I ask him about Aunt Beth-he repeatedly walks around saying her name. It is so adorable. He loves her so much. Aunt Beth also knows how to play the piano extremely well. You can hum a song to her, and she can instantly play it. She rocks. Every time we go to their house, Brayden heads straight for that piano, and Aunt Beth always plays with him on it. The other day she was playing with him, and I was able to capture this photo. I told her she needs her to give him lessons...how cool would that be?

She is the best Aunt a boy could have!

We love you so much "Armff".

I've been crafty...

I found these adorable little chairs at a sale (4 of them for 15$). I know, I know...a total steal and since Brayden was dragging one of them with us as we walked around, and periodically sitting in it-we knew they were all a must have. I did not take photos of the before, but they were just a simple plain light wood, nothing to go totally Ga-Ga over...so Mommy had to add some pizazz.

Some sanding, washing, and cheap spray paint later...viola! Ron insisted we make one a Tampa Bay Rays baseball chair, so I obliged and painted (just one)...as requested. Honestly, it's kind of wiggin' (if that's a word) me out a bit because I am totally Type A, and having one chair that is slightly non-uniformed from the rest of them...is driving me a little nutty.

Oh well...I'll get through it since it seems to be Brayden's favorite of the four, and Daddy LOVES it of course. Fun stuff. Next time I will do the whole tutorial thing, but since this was just simple spray painting-I knew it was pointless to narrate the process with my blog posse-you gals all know the drill anyway ;-) Here they are!

Our First Boo-Boo

Brayden received his very first boo-boo last week. He went running around the corner, lost his footing, and went head first into the side of the counter. I thought it was not going to be that bad until I picked him up and realized he was actually bleeding!!!

Poor baby.

After we observed the boo-boo, kissed it all better and cleaned it out...I went to fetch the neosporin. It's the first time we have had to use it. It broke my heart. The next morning this shiny red bonk mark on his precious little head was the first thing I saw, and I winced at the sight of it. He obviously is not all that fazed, and I knew the day would eventually come...but to see this precious little guy with this huge scab on his face-oh my! At 22 months...presenting...his very first real boo-boo...